Butterflies
by HamakoKaiba
Summary: Shinigami powers, and love troubles. Abarai Renji just happens to be the cause. The life and times a girl coming to terms with everything around her. Renji/OC
1. Awakening

My tiny hand wrapped around his muddy one. Another day, another fight for our lives. I was scared as I was almost everyday we were running around finding what little food we could. Living in the 78th district of Rugonkai wasn't the easiest. Disease was constantly in the air, people got beaten for looking a certain way, or for having to much money on them, or any money at all, even kids would get beaten down just for being in the way or for trying to steal food.

Life was just hard, you had to hold onto anything you could grab. For some lucky few there was another person. For me, the young, sick, Senta Tsukiko, the only one I really had was the little boy next to me, the one that watched over me, gave me his food when I was sick because I couldn't get my own, the one I liked to call my best friend, Abarai Renji.

"I got it!" A childish voice called out from the down the road. Relief jumped from my heart as I saw my dark-headed friend running down the road with a handful of bread. Today was his day to go out and run for food while the others just sat and waited. And every single time I grew nervous, thinking that one day one of our friends just wouldn't return.

"Lets go!" Renji tugged on my hand and began to pull me along. I stumbled behind his quick pace, not really in the right condition to run at full speed. Just the other day I was laying down in bed, half death. Not literally, but everyone thought that that was going to be my time, to go be with the rest of the friends we had lost. But not me. I was always sick, but never seem to give up, like deep within me there was a purpose to live. At the moment Renji was it, he kept me going, kept pushing me to keep on living. Every time I was sick he sat by me telling me to not give up.

"Tsukiko! Whats wrong with you? You're healthy! So get to moving." Renji's rash voice yelled back at me, snapping me from my day dreaming state. His beady eyes glared into my giant, bright, blue eyes, looking straight into my soul, the only one that ever could. And I saw into him too, actually understood like not many people could. I saw the concern he had for me that no one would believe was there. No, no, I was the only one who saw past that rough exterior and saw a caring person underneath. It is hard to believe, and yet, its true.

With a quick nod of my head I caught up with him, running side by side, hand in hand. A thought that always surrounded my head, circulating my thoughts, engulfing my whole body. I wanted to be close to him, to feel his warmth, and stay by his side forever. Though we did argued, but thats just what we do. Argue, then laugh about how silly our arguments were. It never got serious till Renji said something to offend me; about me being sick, about me being weak, or just about how crazy my frizzy, curly blonde hair is, and I would feel less important and start feeling alone, like no one cared about me. Renji noticed, always, and I would be able to see the anger drain from his body, and filled with sorrow. Was I the only one who could see? Who could understand? That this guy isn't as cold and heartless as he made himself to be. He could be kind and caring, if you knew how to talk to him. I had known him for so long they were like two halves that made a whole. Perfect opposites who were best friends and understood each other perfectly. Only because we endured everything together. Anything thrown at one of us they other took head on. It was mostly him taking it on. He was the stronger one, the healthier one. The only good thing I had going for me was my quick speed, but that only came to me when I was up to par.

The pounding of feet finally slowed. I looked around to find out that we were on the outskirts of the town, and next to the old shack all the orphans lived in. "Here you go," their dark headed friend said as he broke off a tiny section of bread for Renji and I. It wasn't much; it barely fit in one my abnormally small hands. It was still food, and I looked at it with the biggest adoration. My gaze lifted up toward the boy next to me with the same expression. He returned the look and began to eat his food. A joyful smiled played across my face as I bit into my food. Thousands of fireworks exploded in my mouth. The hunger that had been tugging at my stomach was finally going to subside for a bit. The glorious food filled me with so much happiness - not as bad as the butterflies Renji gave me - but this was different. This almost reassured my chance for living.

"Tsukiko?" I looked up at the sound of Renji's voice. Just before I was able to reply he repeated himself. "Tsukiko?" Now I was confused. "Tsukiko? Tsssuuuukkiiiiikkooooo?" Something started to poke me under my ribs, felt like a finger... hmmm.

I moved my head around on what felt to be like wood, a desk maybe? "Renji?" I asked out of confusion.

"Tsukiko!" Thats when I knew what was going on. My hands slammed down on the desk in front of me, and my sleepy head flew up from its lying down position. My breath quickened, my face grew hot and blood red. I looked to her my to see the confused, hurt, and extremely embarrassed for his almost girlfriend, Kira Izuru.

"Izuru-kun, what just happened?" I asked in a quiet voice. My eyes wondered around the classroom to see all eyes on me. The only ones I really noticed were the two that belonged to Renji. His looked confused me most of all. Was he mad, or just being Renji? Was he laughing on the inside for my stupidity? Was he just mentally rolling his eyes? I couldn't read him anymore.

"You fell asleep... again. And then... woke up saying 'Renji?'." Izuru's eyes lowered towards the desk, he was definitely hurt.

"Izuru..."

A book slammed close at the front of the room. "Class dismissed," the teacher announced, with an annoyed voice, his eyes bearing straight at me, still with a blood red complexion.

I looked to Izuru for comfort, of which I did a lot these days. He just shook his head and smiled at me like he always did, as if he understood. Well, that would never happen. No matter how hard I tried, I would never feel the same way he did, they would never understand each other like Renji and I used to. I really missed that... Sure, Izuru and I could talk for hours, but it didn't feel the same when I used to talk to Renji. So why did I continue on like this? Leading him on like I really loved him?

I was just selfish. I never had anything when I was younger, so now I wanted all I could get. Izuru gave me the attention I had always longed for. Renji had always just watched after me, nothing else. Still, in my mind no one was higher up than he.

Before I knew it I was shaking and close to tears. A firm hand fell onto my shoulder. "Its ok Tsukiko, it will all blow over. Things like this always do." There was that warm smile that lightened up my dark hours.

"Thank you, Izuru-kun." I smiled back, just not in the same was, it was just to tell him that I would be ok in time.

Izuru's hand went to his side and he began to walk on, out of the classroom. I followed reluctantly, my eyes following Izuru's feet, so I would know when and where to move. I quickly glanced up to see Kira's blonde head, but I looked past that - through it its more like it. I saw a red bobbing head as it turned the corner out of the class. The blonde hair faded back to my sight.

That's when the guilt began to tangle around my heart.


	2. Visitation

"Oh, you are so lucky!" I knew what was going on through little Hinamori Momo's mind. The expression that danced across her face, and the rest of her body, was obvious. Once again, she was talking about Izuru, and how 'lucky' I was, but she had no idea.

"Yeah, I guess you could say that," I said while I looked at the ground. In my mind I was far from lucky, it didn't even come close.

"Oh you are!" Momo jumped and looked at her friend, who glanced up at her then back at the ground. "I see the way he looks at you."

This caught my attention. I finally looked up to see what Momo was trying to get at. "Whenever he talks to other girls he looks through them, or he looks like he's looking at someone else." Momo took a side-glance at me, I blushed. "He never sees anyone else, only you. He looks past everyone to find you."

It was true. I may have been the shining star in Izuru's life, unfortunately. Momo could see it like everyone else. The love Izuru had for me. He tried not to show it that much, but it radiated from his body when he was near me.

I nodded. "Sure," I mumbled. I didn't really feel like talking about that subject, especially after that dream I had in the middle of class. The dream told me how much I...needed Renji in my life. I dreamed about him all the time. Not being with him just teared at my soul. I did talk to him every now and then, they were still 'friends', but I had been replaced. In my mind I was shoved aside for someone who was better than me. She was funnier, stronger, wittier. She was Kuchiki Rukia. The girl who was the center of Renji's world. And really, what kind of guy wouldn't like a girl like that? Don't get me wrong, I loved Rukia like a sister. That's why I never showed how I felt towards Renji because everyone knew how he felt about Rukia.

"Tsukiko?" Momo's brown eyes were an inch from my own blue ones. "Are you in there?"

"Yeah! Does it look like I'm not here?" I tried to play off the feeling in my heart.

"Well, you are just staring out into space..." A little, playful smirk came across Momo's face. "Are you day dreaming about Izuru-kun?"

"No!" I jumped off the bed I was sitting on. "I was just thinking...about the break that is coming up!" I quickly thought of something to say and rushed through my words.

Momo tilted her head and sighed slightly. "Lately you've been looking like there has been something weighing on your mind." Momo sat beside her roommate. I glanced down at Momo. Usually I told her everything, but this, I kept a secret from everyone. Maybe I could let her in, just a little bit.

"Yeah, I guess you could say that." I sighed and sat back down beside Momo.

"Then spill." Momo scooted closer to me and waited for the juicy story.

"I'm just questioning my feelings about Izuru..."

"What?" I looked up to the pure confusion all over Momo's face. "I thought you and him, were going to, maybe, end up together, eventually."

"See! That's what everyone thinks. So I feel like I don't want to let anyone down so I'm forcing myself into the relationship." The words just started to drip from my mouth, without me even thinking about it. I put a hand over me mouth, thinking I had told to much. "I..."

"So you are just leading him on?" Momo stood up and gave me a weird look that made the guilt grow. Momo didn't want to believe that I was like that. But with this, even I couldn't deny it.

"I'm not sure. I'm just really confused at the moment." I sighed, "Our relationship isn't to serious, people just assume things!" Now that I had started, I wasn't going to stop. I was known for ranting on and on about something when I got upset enough and was triggered to. "It's just like, no one even comes to ask me about this whole thing. They see us together so they think we are a couple. Sure, we hang out all the time, and we talk all the time. But that doesn't matter! We've talked about this and we said that we wouldn't get to serious 'till maybe after the academy. But nothing was set in stone! And still..."

"Tsukiko-chan!" Momo's voice broke out through my rant. I sat up and gave her a questioning look. With a smile Momo continued on, "We don't have all day to talk about this. We have to get going soon. But when we get back we can talk all you want."

"No, I better stop talking about this before I lose my mind!" I laughed at her own comment, making Momo laugh too.

"Well then, if you're all done, shall we get going?" Momo asked and picked up her bag that carried a few things. She flung it over her shoulder and began to make her way to the door of the dorm room.

"Yes, please." I repeated the same notion as Momo. In my bag I carried only the bear necessities. I was only be gone for two days. The academy was having a little time off for some people to go visit families. I, of course, had no where to go, so Momo offered for me to come over to her house for the break. I was ecstatic, the chance to get away from the academy for a couple of days was something I would never pass up on. I would be able to get away from everything that was troubling me. I would just get to hang out with my friend. And meet the famous Shiro-chan I had heard so much about.

* * *

District 1 of Rukongai. A peaceful, lovely, colorful, safe town. This was my first time ever being there, and it was definitely a sight to see. Beautiful cherry blossom tress in every direction, smiling faces passing you by, waving. I had never seen such a place. Being in the academy had also been something that had taken me by surprise. I couldn't believe how kept up it was. It all took my breath away. If only I could have lived up here, how different my life would be. The big difference would be the fact that I would have never met Renji. Who knew what my life would be like right now if I never met Renji. Maybe I could return Izuru's feelings...

"We're almost there Tsukiko-chan!" Momo announced with a cheerful smile. "Its been a while. I haven't seen Shiro-chan in a long time. I wonder if he hates me," Momo said with a little giggle.

"From what you told me, he'll probably just make fun of you," I laughed.

"You're probably right. Oh, I can't wait for you to meet him. I'm sure you'll be friends in no time!"

"I'm sure. He sounds like a cool, little kid." I had tried to imagine him before. Short, white-headed, tough, hard-headed, a little annoying, but with a soft side kid. Those were the words Momo had used to describe him.

"And here we are!" Momo's voice rang out, bursting my mental image. My blue eyes jumped up to see a petite house in the middle of the cherry trees Tsukiko was fantasizing earlier.

"Oh my," was all I could say. This might have been small, but there was much more to it than the rickety shack I had grown up in, piled with twenty other kids.

"Its not much, but it is my home."

"You should have seen the place that I grew up in." I smiled at Momo; I didn't want her to feel any pity for me.

My eyes were soon drawn a little figure standing in the doorway. Arms crossed, white hair spiked up, and a scowl across his face.

"This must be..." My finger went up to point at the little boy, but was cut off.

"Where have you been, Bed-Wetter Momo?!" The boy yelled towards Momo.

Momo's bright smile dropped to a frown. "I've been studying at the academy, Shiro-chan. And I came to visit you..."

"Who is that?" He said angrily and nodded his head towards me, who was still wondering why he called her 'Bed-Wetter Momo.'

"This is my friend from the academy."

"Hello, my name is Senta Tsukiko." I bowed formally. It didn't matter where I came from, I always had good manners.

"Eh." The boy turned his head towards the trees and stuck his finger in his ear. "She's probably just another bed-wetter."

I blinked, once, twice, three times before I finally took those words in. "Excuse me?!" I took a step toward the boy, till I was in front of Momo. "You don't know anything about me so why -"

"Would you shut up?" The boy yelled back. How could someone from the 1st district be so rude? I wondered. I had never taken lightly to people making fun of her. I got enough of that from Renji who was always putting me down.

"Shiro-chan, you could be a little nicer," Momo spoke up and stepped to my side.

"Would you stop calling me that?!" The boy jumped off the porch of the house and made his way over towards the girls.

"Man, you are short!" I announced and watched in enjoyment as scowl came back to the boy's face.

"I am not short!" The boy walked up to me and stared up at her as if to size me up, I stood at about Momo's height, "I'm just young."

"Yeah, a short boy for your age." I giggled at the little boy's annoyance.

"And don't call me a boy! You stupid, freak-show."

"Thats original. I think you should take some time, and put some more input into my nickname. Or you can just call me by my name. Little boy." I pulled up a bright smile. Now I was just toying with him.

"Pfft. Why would I do that?" He turned his head and began to walk back towards the house.

I shrugged and grabbed my hands behind my back and began to rock back and forth on my heels. "I'll call you by your name?"

He looked at the blonde from over his shoulder. "Fine. I'm Hitsugaya Toushiro." He turned his head back around and entered the house.

"Well, its nice to meet you Hitsugaya Toushiro." I bowed her head and looked at Momo.

"He is usually like this, but he grows on you, and you get use to it," Momo said reassuringly.

"I bet." I giggled and stared towards the house. That was one little interesting boy. There was something about him that I just couldn't put my finger on yet.

"Lets go and have fun!" Momo announced and sprinted towards the house.

"Don't try and race me Momo-chan! You can never win!" I laughed and ran after Momo, not going my full speed. I was the fastest person at the academy. They had races all the time, though, it never made the guys feel happy when they got beat by a girl. Especially a girl that looked and acted like Tsukiko.

* * *

In all of my life I could never remember a day like that: Running around, worrying about nothing but having fun. Here and there Toushiro and I would crack jokes at each other, and tried to outsmart the other. For a little kid he sure knew a lot, or at least he could come up with something smart sounding.

Momo had known we would get along, but not this well. It reminded of how she and her Shiro-chan used to be, or still were. Just better. After one day of knowing each other, Toushiro and I were closer then others could imagine, though we would never say that. I would just say that he got annoying. Toushiro would agree, saying that he couldn't stand me. Momo could see how close we were, just like she could tell how Izuru felt about me.

People were just drawn to my own special brand of charm. I didn't try to hard, they just came. From the moment you first talked to me, you couldn't stop; it was always like an endless conversation. With Toushiro and I it was an endless argument, but one that would definitely end in a friendship, that Momo could tell. When she met me in class, we became instant best friends. I was one friend she would never forget, but who could? I was the poster child of sweet and innocent, just like Momo herself.


	3. Fall Down

_Disclaimer:_ I still don't own Bleach... Sucks, right? If I did Tsukiko would be the main character, MWAHAHA!

I hope this is to everyone's liking. And I'm all for suggestions or for help in my writing. I'm the WORST with grammar and staying in one tense. And I do realize this and I'm sorry if it gets confusing but thats just how my mind works.

ENJOY!

* * *

I tapped my fingers irritably against the wood of the desk that I sat behind. I wasn't sure how much I could take of this waiting. While other people around me were getting paired off to go train with each other. One by one the names were called, slowly, and still none of them were mine. I could feel Izuru's eyes watch me as I leaned on the desk, resting my chin in hand. He probably wanted to train with me, and I really didn't care who I got to train with. I couldn't deny that deep down I was longing for Renji's name to be called with mine. It would never happen, to far of a chance. Plus, the teacher should know better than to pair me with the guy that I tend to argue with one hundred percent of the time. Doesn't mean we don't work well together, we sure did raise some hell in the 78th district of Rukongai. Making up schemes to get into place and out of small hiding spots. We've gotten... Well, I've gotten into tough jams that only he has been able to pull me out of. Back them I relied on him to do everything for me, I never once even thought about a strong power that could be inside of myself. Till I met Rukia.

She was the first of us to be able to control a tiny bit of spiritual energy, Renji then roughly got it. And I, some how, managed to get to where Rukia was on that level. I looked up and for the first time Renji looked upset at me, the first time he was ever like that towards. He always talked quieter, was gentle, caring, at least thats how I saw him. As we grew older I started to realize the true narcissistic nature of Renji. He always wanted it to be about him, him, him, him. While I was the one almost dieing everyday! I guess that kind of made me selfish too...

I slammed my head on to the desk and groaned in annoyance. How long has it been? Fifteen minuets and still no Tsukiko Senta.

"Tsukiko-chan?" Izuru's worried voice quickly popped into my head. I rolled my head over to look at him. "If you had a little patience I'm sure he will call your name in no time." He said referring to the teacher down in front. That teacher hated me, and Renji. Probably something about us being poor, orphans that nobody wanted. Pfft, discrimination. I tried to take most of the crap he dished out, making me revert to a shy stage. I got to the point where I barely spoke up in class unless called on. Momo and Izuru both noted that it was strange when I would talk for hours to them and never speak around other people. I usually just blushed and run away with my head hung low.

"I'm not sure how much more I can take," I said with a sigh. Slowly, I began to lifted my head off the desk and shook the light headed feeling from my mind. "I don't know what I did to him, but that teacher will always hate me!"

"He doesn't hate you..."

I shot a glare straight at Izuru before he had a chance to go on. "Now Izuru-kun, you know as well as I do that he hates me! He picks on when I'm sitting hear paying attention, which is a lot more than most of this class. He never calls on me when I actually know the answer. And he will sit for hours until I come up with some answer that is correct to a question that he has never talked about before..." My rant could go no longer as I heard something glorious.

"Tsukiko Senta!" The announcer voice of the teacher called out. "And..." There was a slight pause as he looked for my partner on his piece of paper. Suddenly my heart started to race as I waited for him to call out another name. It seemed to take longer than usual, like he was toying with me. Probably was, I wouldn't doubt that it was the type of person he made himself out to be. Soon a mischievous smile spread across his face and his dark eyes looked up towards me and my eyes went wide. "Renji Abarai." **BAM!** My head hit my desk again, causing a banging sound to fill the silence in the room. Not what I expected to do.

"Shit." I mumbled to myself and slowly lifted my blue eyes to look around the room. Confused faces locked onto me, trying to figure out why I was so disappointed in training. And it was that at all. I was upset because I was paired...with him. The guy, who was glaring at me at the moment, sent chills over my body. And it pissed me off even more. That guy had so much power over me and he didn't even realize it. Half of my life I had spent relying on him he has always been my rock through the good times. Wherever he would go I would follow. But that wasn't me anymore. I wanted to finally be my own person and break free from the chains of my past, that included Renji. It had been a while since we had really talked. I wasn't even sure if our friendship was still alive.

A soft hand landed on my back and slowly began to pat. "Deep, calming breaths Tsukiko-chan!" With that I couldn't help but smile back up at him. I lifted my head once more from the desk and gave him a real smile.

"Thanks Izuru-kun. But I think that I have to do this one on my own," I said with a quick nod. Izuru returned to the nod and we went on to hear the rest of the list of pairs.

The butterflies were taking over my whole body as the last names were called. I looked over to Renji, who had his eyes fixed on the teacher, waiting to be released. He just wanted to get this over with, he probably won't even want to really train. No wait, I take that back, he WILL want to train. This was Renji I was thinking about, probably going to whine up in the 11th division. Fight, fight, fight!

"You may chose any spot in or around the academy, no leaving school grounds!" The teacher was getting smart, he knew kids would want to skip in this time out of class. "If you are caught without your partner for the next two hours you WILL fail this assignment." I groaned silently this time. Two hours?! How the hell was I expected to last even five minuets with Renji without one of us tearing the others head open? "Begin!" He finally announced.

I stood up from my seat and let out a deep breath that I didn't know that I was holding. "Be braze Tsukiko-chan!" Izuru waved his good-bye and ran off to meet his partner, my roommate, Momo Hinamori. I wished I could have gotten partnered with her, this task wouldn't be as stressful.

"Ready to get your ass kicked?" A taunting voice called from behind me as I reached into the halls of the school. I turned to see the red headed man behind me with a smirk wide on his face.

"Only if your ready to get your body sliced open," I returned the smirk as he walked closer to me. I clutched onto the sword that was now hanging at my hip, ready to attack at any moment. Right then, right there.

"Whoa!" He held up his hands defensively. "Can you at least wait till we get outside?" My smirk only grew and I turned to head towards the back entrance of the school, not caring to say anything to Renji at all.

I took a step out onto the green grass and took in a big gulp of fresh air. It felt nice to be outside of the crowded classroom that I was locked away in every single day. "Nice day," I mumbled, mostly to myself, but loud enough for Renji to hear. In case he cared. I continued to walk on, through the forest till I could find a bare spot, wide enough to fight in. A nice breeze flew through the trees, making the leaves rustle together. It has been a long time since I had taken in the warm air around me, the freshness that came with the beauty of the world around me. A bright smile was on my face as I clasped my hands behind my back and felt myself do a little skip. It had been a long time since things had been peaceful. I'm not even sure of when the last time was when I was truly at peace.

I heard chuckle behind me and I quickly turned to see a Renji looked up into the sky, day dreaming about something... Not watching where he was going. So, I stood there, waiting for him to approach me. Before he knew it there I was, blocking his path. He stumbled around me and looked straight at me as if I was the crazy one.

"Next time watch where you are going," I said in a slow voice, like I was talking to some child.

"Next time you should just get out of my way. I could run you over." He sent me a playful glare, just like he was my best friend again. Back in Rukongai.

I laughed, loudly, making sure he knew that I was making fun of him. "Don't underestimate me! Just cause I'm a foot shorter than you means nothing! I can out run you any day!" I challenged him. Every guy loved a good challenge, especially someone like Renji.

"Good thing thats not what we are here to do." His statement brought me back to where I was. Academy lands, not in Rukongai. Teenage years, no longer children. Time flies to fast fro Tsukiko to notice anything anymore.

"Yeah right," I tried to hide the pain in my voice. I wanted to talk, not fight. I wanted to get to know Renji again, be his friend once more. And maybe I could finally understand him again as he changed right before my very eyes. "I guess its time for me to kick your ass!" I jumped right into a fighting stance, one hand clutching the hilt of her sword.

"You're more anxious to fight than I am!" Renji wanted to laugh but just continued to smile, the normal Renji smile. "I'm surprised you want to fight at all. You use to hate any kind of confrontation that we would run into."

"Well," I said and relaxed as Renji started to get prepared to fight, putting down his bag and readying his sword. "If I'm choosing a life of fighting..." My eyes met the ground and I slung the bag off my shoulders onto the ground behind me. "I have to learn someday to fight. And I have to accept it. I'm going to be a Shinigami that protects Soul Soceity, no way around it." I felt my confidence boost up as I grabbed a tight hold of my sword. The look on Renji's face brighten. I knew that he was feeling the same way I was. Rukia had come up with the idea but we both backed it up with our lives. Literally.

I slid my foot back and crouched down ever so slightly and watched as Renji just held his sword out in front of him. Had he learned nothing so far? The next moment he was charging quickly at me with his sword held high above his head. But speed was always on my side, all our lives I have been able to out run him. I took one sharp step towards the right avoiding his swing. "Still to slow," I taunted him. I loved the fact that I could beat any guy at a foot race. The only thing that was my default was that I didn't have the power to back up my speed. And that, Renji knew all to well.

The second that I moved out of the way he swung again, forcing all his power into that swing. This time I had to jump backwards to avoid it, but the force in the wind that it made threw me off balance giving him an opening. He lifted his sword above his head and swing down once more. This time I lifted my own sword to block it. My sword was turned on its side and I had my hand placed against the side closest to me to try and hold him back. Once he realized that he had me pinned in my weak spot he smirked down at me. "Gotcha," He said like he was already the victor.

"Not yet," I muttered back. I refused to give up to the likes of him, not now, not ever. I pushed against my sword shoving him away and he stumbled backwards. When he regained his footing he gave me a bewildered look. He was confused of how in the world little Tsukiko Senta was able to push the giant Renji Abarai away. Well, I maybe small but I pack a good bit of power, especially when I was determined to do something. And I was determined to beat him.

I made the next move, bringing my sword to my side and rushing towards him. He raised his own to block me and it became a stand still. My last move had finally made Renji even more determined to win and I could feel his power out weighing mine. My knees were going to crumble beneath me if I didn't do something. But his strength was finally getting to me. The swords jumped back closer to my own body and no matter how hard I pushed back he was still winning. I took one step back, trying to escape the power of his sword but he countered with his own steps. Little by little we kept moving backwards.

"Just give up Tsukiko, there isn't anything else you can do." He was right. Reality washed over me and I realized that I really had no chance of winning. I admitted to myself that I was weaker than him when it came to strength, I would always be faster. But that was going to get me no where in this fight. In our stand still it was a fight of strength but I just couldn't give up. I had always been the weaker one, in everything. Always being pushed around, shoved in directions that I didn't want to go in, following like I was a lost puppy. I wanted to be something different. I wanted to be strong.

That was the moment when I made a vow to myself that I would train and fight till I become stronger than the guy before me. The guy who had once been my whole world. No more. Tsukiko was her own person from now on. And I would get stronger till I could finally beat him in an actual fight.

I step back once more and found a tree against my back. No where else to go. Time to give up. "Fine," I said monotone. "You win... for now." My eyes met the ground as I felt the pressure release from the swords. I dropped the hand holding my sword to my side and yet I could still feel his sword near my neck. I looked up to Renji with a serious face on. "What?" I almost growled at him.

"I'm just making sure you don't attack me again." He said matter-of-factually like I was suppose to attack him again! After all these years and apparently he didn't trust my words.

My eyes slit into a glare. "I already told you that you won this round. Take a quick break and we can fight again. I'm not gonna go back on my word."

He smirked. Oh, how I hated the infamous Renji smirk. "Do you remember the last time this happened?" My eyes went wide and a wave of nostalgia washed over me.

_Back in Rukongai we use to love to play fight. Picking up sticks and waving them around like we were real Shinigami. We thought we were so cool, though the real thought of being a Shinigami seemed miles away. Renji and I would always be the two to face off, ending up with me losing. But there was one flip in fate when I was able to pin him up against a tree. Yes, thats right, I had finally beaten Renji in a fight. To bad it wasn't a true fight. It was a moment that had changed my life for a long time. I was already close enough to Renji to feel his heart beat against my skin.I was staring into his eyes as we both wondered how in the world that fight turned out the way it did. My next move was unexpected, even to myself, and it made me grateful that no one else was around at the time. I leaned forward and placed a quick peck on his lips and I didn't even wait to see his reaction. I dropped my stick, turned, and ran as fast as I could to no where in particular. I was scared that the overwhelming happiness would be clear on my face, and that Renji would get mad and begin to hate me._

_When I did return from my little run he acted as if nothing had happened._

I remembered the memory as if I was only yesterday. "Of course I remembered. But it was different, I had beaten you."

"Miracles do happen once in a while."

I laughed, "What? It wasn't a miracle, I won fair and square. You're just mad because, you got beat by a girl." I said the last part in a sing-song voice to taunt him even more.

He grimaced and retaliated. "It was a miracle because it happened ONCE. And what if I let you won." He tried to taunt me back but that was taking it a bit to far.

"You..." My voice dropped, "Would you really have done that?" I looked up at him with my puppy dog eyes, something that has always been able to tear apart a guy like Renji.

"Uh," He leaned his head back, he had no idea what to say to that. So he decided to rely on his actions. He leaned down quickly and forced his lips onto mine. I jumped back against the tree in surprise and he automaticlly backed away. "Uh, sorry." He turned and sheathed his sword.

My breathing was quick and I began to cough from the shock, still being sicked did that to me. "Sorry?" I shook my head in disbelief." Thats all you have to say?" I was mostly still shocked from the kiss itself and how it made fireworks go off in my heart. I was still recovering from the enlightenment of my own lips.

"The last time you did that you didn't say anything about it." His back was still turned to me and he sat down next to his bag.

I paused for a moment to think about that. "Touche." I walked back to where I had earlier place my own bag, a couple feet away from where Renji was sitting. As I sat down I looked straight at Renji who was staring back at me. "So how have you been?"

He just shrugged. "It hasn't been that long you know."

"...Its been about three years since we really talked to each other."

"You've been so in love with Kira that I haven't been able to talk to you."

I froze in confusion. "Wha...what?!" Me? In love with Izuru? No way in hell! He was more like a best friend that I spent most the time with. I never pictured myself being with him for the rest of my life. "I do not love Izuru in that way. We, are, just, friends!" I took a small break in between my words to add emphasize.

"Thats not what I've heard." His voice had no life to it that it was tearing at my ears. He didn't care at all if I had been anyways and it was killing me. He was suppose to be once of my best friends. And at this moment I couldn't stand him. "I heard you had already planned out marrying each other."

"Damnit!" I screamed out. "Who the the hell started that rumor this time?" Everyone at the academy assumed that Izuru and I were going to fall in love and marry each other and have a happily ever after life together. "Is it so hard for us to just be friends?" I sighed and threw my gaze to the ground.

"Well thats good," I looked up in shock, maybe he did care after all. "Marriage would be a giant distraction in Soul Society. You wouldn't be able to fully protect while worrying about the one that you love like that."

My words caught in my mouth. I wanted to say that you can love and still protect. But his words sounded so true. If I was to marry Izuru then how could I be a good Shinigami without being distracted by him. "I...I never thought about it that way."

"Well you should. Don't you wish to one day be a captain or even a vice-captain? Falling in love would ruin that."

"Well for one, I'm NOT marrying Izuru. So drop that nonsense." Renji just shrugged and I continued on, "Being in love has nothing to do with being a damn good Shinigami. How would you know?"

He rolled his eyes at me. "How would you not that what I saying is a lie?"

"Touche." I said with a sigh and kept looking at the ground.

"Kira's a distraction to you, thats all I'm saying. If you drop that relationship now it might be better for you." There was a slight eagerness behind his voice. He was very determined to break me away from Izuru.

"What I do with my life is not up to you. So PLEASE just drop it!" I couldn't stand to talk about other relationships with the man that I'm pretty sure I'm in love with.

"Fine." He looked away from me. "Back to your earlier question I've been fine. This place is definitely different from where we are from."

"Well duh," I sat up better and felt my nerves dieing down. "We were poor orphans, surrounded by other poor people. Now we are surrounded by rich people and nobles. Its quite the experience." I smiled at Renji who glanced at me and gave me a little smile back.

"To bad we don't get any respect around here." Thats the number one thing that Renji wanted, respect.

"Give it time, Renji," My voice was soft now as I tried to make him feel better. "If you take it slowly respect will come to you. It can't happen in the blink of an eye. One day you will have the respect that you want!" My voice was happy and light and it made Renji turn his head back towards me. A full smile on his face.

"One day I will become a captain and show everyone what I can be!" He announced to the empty world around us.

I laughed and leaned backwards in my chuckles. "Thats the spirit. One day you can even rule Soul Society..." I paused and giggled, "That would be a scary time for Soul Society." He laughed at that comment too.

"It could happen, don't you dare doubt me!"

"Not doubting, just worried for the sake of Soul Society."

And the conversation continued on till our two hours were up and we had to return back to our classes. It was a nice, normal conversation. No more fighting and no more arguing. It was the Renji that I missed and loved.

* * *

So, I need an idea of what to do for the next character. I already have a few ideas:

1) Go to the real world for the first time to fight hollows, and are saved by Aizen and Gin, blah, blah, you know the story.

2) A random picnic of Tsukiko, Izuru, and Momo, maybe a random character to have more people in the story.

3) An idea from the wonderful people that read my story!

I'll let the people who read this pick!


	4. Tears

_**A/N:**_ And I'm back with my new chapter. Hope y'all enjoy it! If anyone wants to give me some constructive criticism I'm all for it. As long as you don't go all out and bash my story, I'm good. ^-^  
**_DISCLAIMER:_** Still don't own Bleach, if I did I would let y'all know.

* * *

This had been the first time in a very long time that I thought I was going to throw up. So nervous that my hands were shaking out of control and my body wasn't responding the way I wanted it to. My nerves were starting to make me sweat as I tossed and turned through the night. I hoped that I didn't wake up Momo, I certainly did not want to bring her into this. I couldn't let anyone know what was going through my mind.

_"Kira's a distraction to you, that's all I'm saying. If you drop that relationship now it might be better for you."_ The voice. His face. Both playing over and over again. This was something that could not be pushed from my mind so easily. His words seemed so true. His face actually looked like it cared. But why? DAMNIT! Why?! Renji could say anything to me and no matter what it was I would believe him. He was the first guy I ever knew. The first person to really care for me. He was the first person I felt like I could ever really trust. That guy was the shining star that I couldn't push away no matter how hard I tried.

We were so young, so fragile. Little orphans growing up in a garage dump where we didn't matter to anyone. The first one to offer me a smile, the first one to reach out a caring hand to help me up. I didn't like to talk to others, I didn't even like to look at people. All it took was for someone to be nice to me to break me from that shell. It just so happened to be Renji.

_"Hey you!" A strong voice called out and rang painfully in my ears. I jumped back farther into the alley of which I had hidden myself in. I could feel my blue eyes shaking as I stared at the young figure. A small boy with spiky red hair and a lanky build. His hands were on his hips as he awaited for an answer that I had no intention of giving him. "Yeah you," he lifted his finger to point at me. "What are you doing here all alone?"_

_Tears were filling my eyes. I was so afraid, I didn't want to trust anybody. Not after what I had just gone through. My family was something I would never repeat again to anyone. Though those events sent me into such a fear that my mouth didn't even work anymore. I sank to my knees and let the tears come._

_"Whoa!" He shouted and lifted his hands to surrender. "Don't start that. I wasn't trying to be mean." His face was in a frantic as I continued to cry. The last thing I wanted to trust was a male. My father was a thing I wanted to forget, he hurt me in ways that no one could ever imagine. "I just wanted to ask a simple question..."_

_I held my hands up in front of my face and tried to turn away from him. As I did I could hear him coming closer to me. "I only want to be nice to you." He took another step and I began to crawl deeper into the darkness of the alley. "Don't run away!" He got closer and I finally turned my head to look at him. He was reaching out his hand, as a peace offering._

_"Its okay, I'm not going to hurt you." Something inside me started to believe his words. "I'm just like you." Those words finally got to me. How could he be anything like me? "I'm an orphan with no where to go. And judging by the way your acting I'm guessing that's how you are too." He was right. My 'family' was long gone and I never planned on pursuing them. I was a lost and lonely child with no where to go. And who would want me? I simply nodded my head to him._

_A bright smile spread across his face. "There you go, you're finally responding to me! If you come with me I'll take you to a place where me and a bunch of other orphans are living. It's not much but its a place for kids like us to find shelter." A few steps more and he was right in front of me. He bent down to look me in the eye, and placed a hand on my out of control, curly, blond hair. "Come along and you can find something to eat there. Maybe a piece of bread or maybe some rock candy!" He announced excitedly, making me giggle. His smile grew as he began to stand up._

_"You coming or not?" He outstretched his hand for me once more. This time my hand reached up and placed itself in his warm palm. He grabbed onto my hand and pulled me up. "You're already making progress. Now all I need to know is your name and we'll be good to go." We began to walk out of the alley hand in hand when he asked his questions. My mouth was still failing at making words._

_He gave me a confused look as we walked on. "My name is Renji!" His voice was so proud, I wished I could have had half of that confidence. "Your turn..."_

_I opened my mouth and fell short. I felt so scared, and afraid that he would reject me if I did not answer. So with my other hand I stuck my index finger straight out to the full moon above me._

_He followed my finger and then looked back at me with big eyes, making my heart skip a beat. "So is your name Tsukiko, or something?"_

_All I did was smile at him as big as I could to tell him he was right._

_"Yes! One point for Renji!" I giggled and he smiled back down at me. "You know, you have a really cute smile." My heart skipped another beat and I looked at his smiling face and I couldn't hold back anymore. I giggled like I never had before, my stomach was exploding with laughter._

_Renji put his other hand behind his head and laughed along with me. Never in my life had there been such a perfect moment. Nothing but laughter and friendship floating around us._

_From there we walked on, hand in hand. For what I wished could last forever._

"Tsukiko-chan!" I jumped up from my sleeping position to see a startled Momo. "You're going to fall behind in class if you keep sleeping like this." She put her hands on her hips to show she was serious.

I simply shook my head and wiped the sleep from my eyes. "I'm sorry. I've just been having these really weird dreams lately, making me do a lot of thinking." I sighed slightly and began to pull myself out of bed. "I guess we should be going soon, huh?"

Momo laughed and shook her head at my direction. "Of course. Unless you don't wanna become a Shinigami!"

"Of course I wanna become a Shinigami! Why else would I be here? I can't wait to have my own zanpakutou, and it have its name. And to have a high seat in the Gotei." There could have been stars in my eyes as I talked about one day being a Shinigami. I patted down my bed head to make it look a little bit more reasonable. At that moment I didn't have anything to tie it up with, and I found no need to tie it up. I liked my hair the way it was, and it didn't get in my way at all.

"Well, if you keep slacking off then you wouldn't be able to do all those things." Momo said with giggles in her voice. I shot her a playful glare as I began to slip on my black, ballet-type shoes. One thing I hated about being a Shinigami was the shoes that they wore. I, myself, chose not to ever have to deal with those things. I would always wear my black shoes.

"Just wait, you'll see." I jumped into the air as I finished my preparations then I ran over to a dresser we had in our room and grabbed my notebook and textbook. "Ready?" I asked in excitement.

"More ready than you are!" She giggled once more and I rolled my eyes.

"Aren't you always? If you're so ready than you'll beat me there right?" I asked as I shot out the door. She knew that I was the fastest kid in the whole school, no one could ever beat me at a race.

"Now that isn't fair!" I heard her little voice call after me. I laughed and continued on my run towards the class room.

I made it to the classroom at no time at all, and only one drop of sweat rolled down my face. "All in a good day's run," I said proudly to myself as I rounded the corner into the class. The moment I was around a giant figure blocked my path. "Hey!" I said out loud as I bumped into thie figure. I looked up with an annoyed look on my face to see my worst nightmare.

"You should watch where you're going," He said with a look on his face that seemed to look right through me.

'Maybe you shouldn't stand in front of the doorway like some dumb person," I said as I crossed my arms. I walked passed Renji with my nose held high in the air.

"Maybe you shouldn't act like someone that you're not." I turned in shock at his comment. With the look he gave me now I could tell that he was looking right at me, a glare that shot right into me. I stared at him for a couple moments with nothing to say. Never once has such a thing crossed my mind.

"How am I acting different?" I asked with a confused expression. I was the one who still tried to make decent conversation while he blew me off.

"You run around like your some snob that doesn't know where she came from!"

At that comment my jaw dropped. Where was all this coming from? Some built up rage that has been around for years and he is just now decided to let it out? "I know exactly where I come from!" I stepped closer to him as if I was about to challenge him to a fight. He bent down so he could look me in the eye better. "Excuse me, if I would like to forget it. It wasn't exactly the best place, you know?"

With that a smirk came across his face. So, he was just playing with me? I returned the smirk and waited for him to continue on with our argument. "I do remember. But I don't run around with the popular, high-class, rich kids and act like I am one of them."

I put my hand in front of my mouth as if I was shocked. "Renji-kun! Such a compliment!" A complex look crossed his face. "I never knew that I could carry that demeanor so well. I'm flattered." I put my hand under my tangled hair and poofed it up like a high-class person would. Or so I thought they would. I really knew nothing about rich things. I grew up on the streets, and I wore clothes that Rukia and I stole off tables. Usually I wore the same thing everyday for a couple years. It just so happened that I fell into that type of crowd with Izuru and Momo. It's not like I purposely followed them around; they just became my instant friends.

"Ha! If you're so great at carrying it then why do you look so awkward when your around the crowd?"

"You big, fat..."

"Do you two always fight?" It wasn't till that moment that I realized that Renji and I were face to face screaming at each other. I turned my head to see how had said that and saw Izuru and Momo standing beside each other. It was Izuru that had spoken and looked like this was something that happened all the time. I couldn't deny that we did get into pointless arguments... almost every single day. Renji and I both shrugged our shoulders at the same time and looked in opposite directions.

"I guess Renji wants to be just like me. You know, I can use kidou fairly well for our age," I teased with a little laugh in my voice. I began to make my way towards my desk as I could feel Renji's rage shoot through the roof.

"Why you little..." I started to turn back around with my smirk still on when something interrupted Renji.

"Class is beginning! Please take your seats!" It was the stupid teacher who hated me and Renji's guts. Only because we grew up on the bad side of Rukongai, the teacher thought we didn't deserve to be there with all the other noble kids.

I made my way through the crowd of kids with Izuru hot on my trail. His seat was right next to mine, thanks to a random seating chart. Kira and Senta weren't exactly near each other in the alphabet. I sat my books down in front of the seat that I sat in. "Everything alright?"

I looked up into those blue eyes that matched my own. Such light, such happiness, such innocence. I couldn't help but smile at Izuru. At that moment I couldn't afford to lose his friendship, but Renji's words kept ringing in my ears. If I wanted to succeed as a Shinigami I couldn't have anything hold me behind. Though, Renji was the main thing that held me back from doing what I know I can do. After I had lived with him, by his side, for so many years I just couldn't let him go. I had given him my whole life to protect and he never failed at that task. What he didn't know was that he still held onto it.

"I'm alright. Just woke up a little bit late, that's all," I said and turned my head towards the teacher so I wouldn't get yelled at.

Izuru laughed softly and I looked at him out of the corner of my eye. "You should get a better sleeping schedule. You've been sleeping a lot during class lately. And we all want you to graduate with us." He gave me one of his best smiles that made me have to smile back.

"That's pretty much what Momo told me this morning. Told me I'm going to fall behind if I don't stay awake during class. But I am doing pretty well if I do say so myself," I spoke in an almost whisper with my eyes locked on the teacher. I wasn't in the mood to get in trouble.

"Well, she is right you know?"

I simply nodded. "I know." I had nothing else to say. I wasn't even in the mood to talk to Izuru at that moment. And he was the one that I talked about everything to. Hopefully he didn't notice that fact too. That would truly kill me on the inside if he knew what was going on in my head. Something I was sure I wouldn't be able to bring myself to do.

* * *

My eyelids wouldn't stay up no matter how hard I tried. The teacher in front of me was too boring for words. His voice was very monotone and seemed to drag on forever in my head. He read straight from the textbook about the importance of following rules. Like that wasn't already common sense. Through the class period I felt myself falling and then felt in elbow jab my side and I woke to Izuru giving me a worried look. I would sigh and blankly stare at the teacher who I knew had already given me some dirty looks.

"Class dismissed!" The monotone voice called out, "Remember your new partners for today's training session." The teacher sat down at his desk and went to work while I stared in confusion.

I looked up at Izuru. "New partners?"

"Were you not paying attention again?" I looked away with a slight blush on my cheeks and he just laughed. "We have new training partners today. Apparently some people complained about their old ones." I turned my head back towards him; I know I didn't complain. But then again I kind of liked the last training session...

"Oh..." I looked around to see if anyone was going to approach me to say that they were my partner. "Wait," I turned to Izuru and pointed to myself. "Who am I paired with?"

Izuru laughed and pointed to himself. "Me!" He said with such a bright smile that it made me smile too. But when I turned my head to pick up my books and my hair began a veil for a face a frown covered my face. I wasn't sure how I was going to face him after everything that Renji told me the other day. I was already nervous just to think about it. I picked up my books and held them close to my chest and I turned to smile at Izuru.

"Ready to train?"

"Ready when you are." I simply smirked and made my way out of the classroom. I knew Izuru was following me and I secretly wished that I could give him the slip. But we are suppose to train together, he would follow me no matter which way I went. I sighed to myself as I made my way through the crowds of students. Poor Izuru, I really hoped that deep down inside he didn't revere me as high as I thought. We were nothing but friends, right? So there was that little strand of hope that helped me with the bouncing thought in my head. Izuru and I could never be an item, never be anything but the great friends that we were. But if he held so tight to me then our levels of friendship would be uneven. So I had to draw the line very soon.

* * *

Back and forth. Back and forth. Back and forth. Training with Izuru was pretty uneventful. Swing the swords, they hit, step back, and go at it again. When I had trained with Renji we were all over the place. But we knew each other too well, I knew where he would move and he would know my movements. We were constantly trying to fool the other one. We never got anywhere, and that made it a great training session. It gave us both a chance to figure out strategies of how to take the other down. With Izuru I felt like my ability was going no where, except for the fact that it was wore me down.

I began to take heavy gasps for breath. My body wasn't built well to work out in the sun all day. Even though I hated to admit it, my body was a lot more fragile than the most people around. The nurse at the infirmary had said that I probably contracted some disease while living in Rukongai and that it was slowly wearing down my body. There wasn't anything anyone could really do, I probably wouldn't live a full life that normal Shinigami do. I had to go get check ups all the time to see how it was affecting my body each day. Each day there was nothing different. But each time I worked myself harder than I'm suppose to it gets progressively worse. It's not like I'm gonna let it stop me though. I kept on fighting no matter how much my body didn't want to. I was going to get stronger, nothing could stop my determination.

"Tsukiko-chan!" Izuru ran to my side and slipped a hand under my arm and onto my back to support me. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to tire you out like this..."

"You're not tiring me out," I said between gasps. "It's a hot day and we are standing right in the sunlight." I looked up towards the sky and squinted my eyes at the sun. That damned thing was my worst enemy next to Renji. Renji could be looked at as more of a rival, while the sun just hated me. It's why I always passed out in Rukongai: I had nothing to keep me cool, I was always in the sun. With me being young and extra weak at the time, I had no chance with being out in the sun. As I got stronger from being at the academy, my stamina had gotten better. There were still moments when it became to much for me. Now was one of them.

"Maybe you should take a break." Izuru leaned his face down to get a better look at my face. I kept my eyes locked on the ground at the area away from him. I felt my face getting hot as he got closer.

"I should, shouldn't I?" I peeked up at Izuru to realize that his face was closer than I had excepted. I could tell that his face got the same feeling as mine. His cheeks grew a slight pink along with mine. He leaned closer and I couldn't take it anymore. I took one step back and almost forgot that his hand was still behind my back and it caught me by surprise. My feet stumbled and I rolled right out from his arm. I landed my knees and was grateful that the pants we had to wear were long. "Ow," was all I could say even though I wasn't in pain.

"Tsukiko-chan!" Izuru bent down beside me with worry all over his face. "I didn't mean to do that. I just..."

I laughed and shook my head. "Its alright Izuru-kun. I just lost my footing, its all my fault. No need to stress about it." I smiled at him as my normal, little, cute self that I knew he wouldn't be able to have a frown anymore. He smiled back and let out his hand to help me off the ground.

"AH!" A familiar voice yelped out not to far away.

"Momo-chan?" I asked and looked up towards Izuru who had the same thought as me. We immediately broke out into a run to find out what exactly was wrong. What we found was no surprise at all. Momo stood there holding her wrist complaining about something to her training partner, Renji. Poor Momo had to deal with guy that had to win no matter what it took.

"Uh, if you don't take it seriously then you're not learning. Okay, pay attention this time." Renji's know-it-all attitude irked me as he talked to Momo like he was teaching a child how to walk. It's training for a reason; that jerk could learn a good lesson or two.

"Why not practice against me instead?" I looked up at Izuru's smiling face. I crossed my arms in annoyance for the fact that Izuru didn't want to train with me anymore. Just because I needed a break didn't mean that he had to completely switch partners. I stood beside him glaring the whole time as Renji began to talk.

"You, Izuru?" Renji slung his sword onto his shoulder with a bored look on his face.

"It'll be more of a challenge than us beating up on girls." Izuru continued to talk on like what he just said was nothing too big.

"Oh really?!" I screamed out up at Izuru as Momo continued on what I wanted to say.

"Why don't you come over here and say that pal." Her fists were curled up into fist just as mine. We didn't like to be pushed around just because we were girls. We could kick some ass to if they let us!

"No! No! Thats not what I meant!" Izuru began to shake his hands frantically as he bounced between looking at me and Momo. He wasn't sure which one of us he should comfort, even though he hurt both of our prides.

Suddenly Renji began to slam his fist into Izuru's side. "Stop being so embarrassed!" He punched him repeatedly till he seemed to get his urge to fight back up. And I couldn't help but laugh at how idiotic he was acting. "Ya know, I never thought of you as a sparring partner before. But I suppose it'll be better than nothing." I began to make my way over to Momo, I didn't want to be caught in between to fighting guys. They always took things too far, blew things out of proportion. Stupid men.

"Oh, I think you'll be surprised." With that comment from Izuru they began to spar while I took my seat next to Momo, who was already sitting on a rock. We both watched the guys go at it for a couple minutes. I pulled my knees up to my chest and rested my chin against my legs. I watched the way they moved when they fought. They each fought very differently when they fought with me. Izuru was all about taking it easy and Renji acted as if he wanted to kill me. Maybe I should just take Momo as my partner next time. At least she would treat me like her equal and go all out.

"Very good Renji! You have improved," Izuru said as he and Renji came to a stand still with both their swords fighting against the other.

"Thanks. I say your better now yourself." Renji's face was bright because of the new fight. Apparently Izuru was a lot better of an opponent than Momo. They both jumped back at the same time and once that happened something seemed to catch Renji's eye. "Uh. Wait here just a second." Renji took off and I followed his direction to a figure that I knew all to well. Rukia, the girl that had been my best friend for many, many years. The girl that I envied more than anything. "Rukia!" Renji called out her name in such happiness that it made my heart drop.

"What is all this about?" Izuru asked as Momo ran up to his side, while I took a slower approach. I wasn't in the best mood anymore. Any hope I had of being happy was down the drain now.

"We grew up with Rukia." My voice bounced into the conversation and both Momo and Izuru turned to me. I watched Renji smile as he talked to Rukia through my glare. He always seemed to be happier when he talked to her. Maybe because she didn't 'change' like I did. "You can say that there is a special bond that can never be broken." I looked down at the ground and crossed my arms. No matter what happened, us three were connected for life. Even if I wasn't in the mood to talk to either of them. "Come on Izuru-kun. We really aren't suppose to train with others that aren't our partners." I looked up at Renji and Rukia. Renji turned his head slightly to give me a confused look. I guess he heard what I said and could tell that by the tone of my voice that I was annoyed. I really hoped that he heard it at least.

"Uh, oh. Okay." Izuru bowed politely to Momo. "I'll see you later Momo."

"See ya later tonight, Momo-chan!" I said happily as if nothing had happened and I waved my hand and began on my way.

"Okay. Good bye!" Momo bowed to us from what I guessed. I had already stopped caring about anything. All I wanted to do was crawl up into bed and forget everything that had just gone on. Maybe I could forget about Renji entirely... That option shouldn't even enter my brain for I knew that it was impossible. No matter what Renji said or did, he would always be the world to me. A fact that I could never escape.

Izuru followed closely behind me and knew not to say a thing. I wasn't a very happy camper when I was in a bad mood. I crossed my arms and began to go deep into thought. I thought about how this was all going to turn out in the end. Only conclusion I could come to was that it was not a good one.


	5. Time

_A/N:_ Hey guys! You wouldn't believe the amazing amount of muse I got today! It's been AMAZING! So, onto the point of my Author's Note... This is a FILLER chapter, yes stories have fillers too, they aren't relevant to the main plot. But it is something that can pass the time and so you can get to know the characters a little bit better and so you know Tsukiko does NOT hate Izuru and Rukia! (The main point for this chapter.) ^-^ Oh, and when you're done with this chapter why not vote in my poll! ^-^  
**Disclaimer: **For future reference I will NEVER own Bleach, Tite Kubo will probably never sell it to ANYONE. Ok? Good. Thank you and enjoy!

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I outstretched my arms to the giant sun that woke me. "Free day!" I screamed to the sky and rolled over onto my stomach. A day when I had to do nothing but sleep and be lazy, just the way I liked it. I didn't have to worry about Renji, or Izuru, or the teacher that hated me, or anything to do with school! "Ah, such a lovely feeling," I said into my pillow and sighed in happiness. Nothing could bring me down now.

"Tsukiko-chan!" Momo plopped down on my bed, a stupid grin plastered on her face. She had something planned on my lazy day. Last time she dragged me meet her little friend, Toshirou. But I had enjoyed that, I willing went. Now she was going to force me to do something on a day when I just wanted to sleep. "Don't tell me you already forgot..." The look on her face told me that she had already guessed that I was annoyed.

"I haven't forgotten anything." I began to sit up when I realized, had I forgotten something? I tilted my head to one side in thought and rubbed a hand through my tangled hair. No training sessions, I didn't plan on going off to meet any of my friend's friends. I shot her a pure confused look. She sighed and her head fell. It wasn't my fault that I sometimes had A.D.D.

"We're suppose to have a picnic today! You, me, and Izuru!" Her voice picked up as she said our names while my face dropped. I had completely planned to not be around any guys today and I was forced to now?! That was when Momo noticed my look, she was always the first to pick up on my worried looks. "Is that alright?" Her voice was soft and sweet as she gave me a worried look. There was no way in hell that I could lie to such a face.

"I..." Though I was afraid about telling her the whole truth. "I had planned to sleep all day." I looked down at my bed in shame. I was a horrible friend and I knew it too.

"But you do that anyways!" Momo began to laugh at her own comment. And there was no way to stop us, for I had begun to laugh too. She had a great point, I always slept in class, I woke up late, and I was the first to go to sleep. It's only because the medication the nurse had given me made me tired all the time. But that didn't mean I was ever really awake. "You need sometime to be with friends and have some awake time." As Momo continued to talk she kept on laughing. And whenever my friends laughed I couldn't help but go along with them.

"But I'm SO tired Momo-chan!" I screamed out dramatically and fell back on my bed. "I just wanna sleep for five more minuets mommy!" I rolled onto my side and grabbed my pillow to pretend to keep sleeping.

"Darling, you can't sleep all day. You'll fall behind." She put her hands on my side and began to shake me violently. "Do you want to be a disgrace to all of Soul Society?!"

"Yes! Yes, I do!" At that I couldn't keep up my character and I rolled back to my stomach and began to laugh once more. Momo fell on top of me in laughter.

"Are you crazy? You really do?" Her words were barely audible through her laughter.

"Nah, I'm just messing with you. I'll be the best thing to hit Soul Society!" I exclaimed and began to push Momo off of me. At that moment there was a knock at the door. Both our heads popped up to look at the door. "You get it!" I gave her a final pushed that made her leap from my bed.

"Okay, okay. Just don't let your ego get the best of you," she teased at me with an innocent look on her face.

"Don't worry, I'm not Renji-kun!" I said proudly and sat up to see who was at our door.

All Momo did was laugh at me as she opened the door. "Sounds like you all are having a lot of fun before I even arrive." There stood my best guy friend at the moment. Izuru Kira. A bright smile was across his face and a bad was draped over his shoulder as he peered into our room. Everything was in order except for my bed, which I was in the middle of trying to fix. I didn't want to look Izuru in the eyes, even though I knew it would come eventually. "Did I come at a bad time?" Izuru looked down at Momo since I wasn't paying any attention to him.

"No. You're right on time. But Senta-san over here forgot about our little outing." I could feel both their stares on my back as I slowly began to turn. I smiled sweetly at them both as I tried to put on my best innocent act. Which worked for them because they knew nothing about my real past.

"I told you not to call me by my last name, Hinamori-san. It feels like you don't really know me on a friend level." I turned my smile into a frown. All my friends knew how much I hated to be called by my last time. I was a person who loved to have a lot of friends, I wanted to be friends with everyone. And when someone called me by my last name it felt like they were distant and really didn't know me at all. Momo definitely was my very best friend at the time and she knew me on a personal level. There was no reason for her to use my last name.

"I'm just kidding Tsukiko-chan!" She jumped to her defense and waved her hands in front of her.

"Just watch your mouth," I scolded her while Izuru stood there with a big smile on his face. We were apparently really amusing to him, our random little spats, and how we would randomly change characters... But that was only acting, just us messing around. I really didn't change that much. Or did I?

"Did either of you make something for today?" Izuru questioned as I finished making my bed. I stood up and gave him a confused look. Since when was I suppose to make something?

"I made some onigiri!" Momo said proudly as she held up a wicker basket. "And some Fu. Enough to feed a few people." Momo nodded her head with delight as she held on tight to her basket. Had everyone prepared something but me? It was that moment that I started to worry.

"And you Tsukiko-chan?" Izuru's blue eyes turned to me and my own eyes grew wide.

"Uhm. You see..." I had nothing to say. "I failed at being a friend."

"She hasn't made anything," Momo's voice quickly overtook mine. "Maybe we should have assigned what each person should have brought."

I sighed quickly as I agreed with her. "Maybe we should have... Maybe then I could have remembered a little bit better." I stood up from beside my bed and looked around the room for something I could do to help with our little picnic. "Well, I do have some bottles of cold tea! The nurse says its the best thing on a hot day." I continued to look around the room. "And we can use my blanket to sit on." I grabbed the blanket from a top the bed that I had just made. It didn't really matter to me if the blanket got dirty, I wasn't to picky over my belongings.

Both Momo and Izuru smiled at my sudden eagerness to take part in our outing. "Perfect." Momo stated as she began to turn to face the door, while I collected all the stuff I needed to get. "Now our picnic can begin!"

"Can you two wait for me just outside the door? I still have to get ready and everything..." I looked down to my sleeping clothes, I wasn't exactly dressed to go outside and have other people look at me. They both nodded and walked out of the room and Momo closed the door behind her. I smiled at the door for a couple moments and thought to myself,' I really do have the best friends.' I quickly turned to put on my normal academy uniform, slip on the black flats, and push my hair down to a slightly normal looking position. No matter what I did my hair would always be curly, poofy, and frizzy. The most I could do was push it down by rubbing my hands over the top of it to maybe get rid of some of the frizz. Once I finished with my hair I ran to find a bag somewhere in my room to carry my stuff in.

The moment I was finished I flung the door open, "I'm ready!" I announced my entrance with a bright smile on my face. Momo giggled at my craziness and Izuru kept smiling. "Let's go!" I placed the strap of my bag on my shoulder and marched down the hallway with my head held high. I wasn't going to let anything get my down today. It was going to be a day of nothing but friends and we would have fun even if it killed us!

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I was walking ahead of Izuru and Momo with a bright smile on my face. I swung my free arm wildly by my side while my other held onto the bag that was draped over my shoulder. The bag held a few cold teas and a folded up blanket that we would use to sit on. This sudden excitement that I had was overwhelming to me and probably to my friends too. Not long ago I was being a horrible friend and forgetting about them to be too excited to stop moving. I could hear Momo whisper something to Izuru, probably about how weird I was, but it didn't phase me. My mind was still trying to figure out where my super happiness came from. It was most likely the fact that I wouldn't be spending the day with Renji.

I opened my eyes to begin searching for a spot to set our stuff down at. I knew that I had to start looking at some point, Izuru and Momo wouldn't be happy if I just kept on walking in my own little, bliss world. They both knew all to well that when I got in this kind of I mood I could run for hours, never stopping. Though the nurse always preferred for me to stay seated and locked up in a shaded world. But she had no idea who I really was, the wild and free Tsukiko, a girl who grew up in one of the lowest districts of Rukongai with no family but her friends. I didn't grow up with any guidance from parents, I grew up without rules. So it was often hard for me to follow the rules and standards that this academy had set up. I wasn't going to play a fool, I wanted to show everyone that it didn't matter where you came from and that I could be just like them too.

As the nostalgia ran through my body I spotted a familiar figure. A tiny body with slick black hair and a strand running in front of her face. She was sitting against a tree and looking up towards the sky. She looked as if she had nothing to do on this free day and my inner Rukongai child popped out on it's own. "Rukia-chan~!" I ran as quickly as I could to my old friend. Her eyes shot up like I had just woken her from a deep sleep, though her eyes were open to begin with.

"Tsukiko...?" Rukia's voice was full of confusion for she probably wondered why I was so excited to see her when the other day I turned my head and walked to other way at the site of her. But it just wasn't my day then, I could barely breath and needed to rest. Now I was fully charged and ready to show the world how happy I was. Plus, I didn't want one of my best friends to feel like I hated her.

"Want to have a picnic with me and my friends?" I squatted beside the sitting Rukia and leaned forward to look her straight in the eyes. Her head leaned back against the tree as she tried to figure out words to say to my confusing question.

After a moment of her mumbling I sighed and rolled my eyes. "Come on. It'll be fun!" I grabbed Rukia's hand and pulled her up to stand beside me.

"Wait, Tsukiko!" Rukia's voice called out to me, but had no effect. Couldn't she tell that it was either join us or join us? There was no in between. I made my way back over to the confused Izuru and Momo. This was suppose to be their day but it was also a day to spend with friends and Rukia was definitely one of my friends.

"Rukia, I would like for you to meet Izuru Kira and Momo Hinamori." I pointed to each of my friends as I said their names. They both waved slowly and Rukia waved back. All of them were trying to figure out what was going on through my head. But even I couldn't answer that. "She will be joining us today!" I pulled Rukia's hand so she slammed into my side. I flung my arm around her shoulder and smiled at Izuru and Momo. Rukia was slightly shorter than me so it didn't look too awkward when my arm hung from her shoulder. "I hope that's okay...?" My voice grew smaller as Izuru and Momo both stood there staring at me.

"Of course it's okay!" I knew the one person to save me would be Izuru. I gave him one of my sweetest smiles as I turned to look around once more.

"I guess we need to find ourselves a spot, huh?" I looked at all my friends, Izuru and Momo both nodded while Rukia stood there with a close to scared look on her face. I was sure that she was uncomfortable at the moment, I was also sure that I would fix that in no time. My eyes wondered for a nice, soft spot that would be a great place to have a picnic. "How about over here?" I returned my hand to Rukia's and sprinted off to a random place by a tree. It was perfect, the sun was shinning while a tree bent over providing enough shade for me to be covered. "This is great!" I exclaimed as I continued to drag Rukia along with me. I ran over to where I was standing right under the tree. I looked up towards to sun and smiled as I felt the warmth against my skin.

"It is a pretty good spot." Izuru's voice came up behind me and I turned to see him standing next to Momo as they both stared at the strange tree that I found.

"Isn't it? This tree gives enough shade for me! Or for all of us if anyone else wants to sit in the shade." I turned to look at all my friends who blinked back as if they waited for me to make the final mood. I figured that they were more sunny people and wouldn't like to sit in the shade with their sick little friend. "Here it is then!" I let go of Rukia's hand and set down my bag. I opened it and pulled out the giant blanket. I bundled it up into my arms and turned back to everyone else. "Izuru, come help me with this." The moment I said his name he was at my side, ready to help.

I grabbed two ends of the blanket and instructed Izuru to grab the opposite ends. We both strechted our arms and took enough steps away from each other so the blanket was all the way out. I nodded to him and at the same time we moved down with the blanket being caught by the wind so it bubbled up. As we finished setting it down it slowly fell to the ground. "Perfect!" I clasped my hands together as I stared at the blanket that sat a quarter of the way into the shade. "Come sit by me Rukia-chan!" I grabbed onto her hand again and pulled her over to my side blanket while picking my bag back up on my way.

I kicked off my shoes and jumped onto the blanket. I slid my hands down the front of my hakama as I sat down on my knees, while Rukia took a little bit of a slower approach. They all did the same actions I did as the sat down on my blanket. "Where did you get this from?" Rukia's hand patted the blanket beneath her.

"I got it from my room! It's the blanket that I use for my bed." I smiled innocently at her while she looked up at me with a blank look, not believing that I would use my blanket for such a thing. "It's alright." I waved my hand at her, "I had almost forgotten about the whole thing so I had to make up for it somehow."

"She had to make it up to us, or we would have disowned her." Momo's soft voice drifted through the air and made my heart drop. I turned my head slowly to look at her and Izuru. My eyes were wide with a shock look and my heart was racing. My best friends wouldn't really do that to me...would they? "I'm just kidding Tsukiko-chan." Momo and Izuru both started laughing at my horror.

"It's not funny to joke like that." I mumbled in a pouty voice. I looked at my hands that sat in my lap and began to play with my fingers.

"I'm sorry. Here, have an onigiri." I looked up at Momo's words to see a giant ball of white being thrown at my face. I caught it just in time before it smashed my face. As I moved it to where I could actually looked at it I noticed that it barely fit into one of my hands.

"Momo-chan! Why did you make these things so big?" I turned the onigiri around to get a better look at it. I noticed that both Izuru and Rukia were doing the same actions. We were all baffled by the giant size of the onigiris.

"I wanted to make sure I had enough, so I made them super big." She smiled at all of us as we all looked at her as if she was some kind of fool. And I just started to laugh out of no where. The site of the onigiris was just something that could make any person roll over in laughter. Especially since they were made by someone with such small hands, who knew she could make onigiris so big. "I'm sorry..." Momo looked down at her own hands in shame.

"Oh no! Momo-chan, I'm not laughing at your amazing work on these onigiris, I just think it's funny that they're so big!" I exclaimed as I continued to star at my onigiri and then I heard a little laugh come from beside. There I saw little Rukia laughing along with me. My smile grew brighter as she finally began to enjoy herself. That was my main aim for that day and I had achieved it.

"I guess they are kind of gigantic." Momo picked up one of the onigiris and looked at it for herself. Another set of laughter started to come from her own body. "I didn't realize before how funny they are." That was when I noticed that we were all laughing, laughing about the size of the onigiris Momo made.

When the laughter started to die down I saw the perfect chance to have a little bit more fun. "Hey Izuru-kun," my voice turned sly as I made a smile to match. His eyes shot up and grew wide as he grew worried about what I might say. "I dare you to put a whole onigiri in your mouth." The moment I spoke his jaw flew. He slowly lifted the onigiri to the front of his mouth and stared at it in wonder. He had no idea how he would get such a thing in his mouth.

"What's going on over here?" A strong voice could be heard from only a couple feet away. The moment it spoke I knew exactly who it was and I felt my heart skip a beat as I looked up to see Renji coming towards us. Of all days! Of all the times for him to show up it had to be on the day when I was having a lot of fun with my friends. And here he was to ruin it all. He would come over and we would probably get into a fight about something and then one of us would stomp off in anger. Which would probably have been me since he is to prideful to walk away.

"We're having a picnic Abarai-kun." Momo looked up at Renji and smiled. Renji did an overlook of our whole set-up and his eyes rested on Rukia. Then his eyes turned to me with a confused look, wondering why she was here. I simply shrugged my shoulders at him but couldn't bring my eyes to look away from him.

"Would you like to join us?" I figured that I should be at least a decent friend to Renji, he was my longest running friend...even if we did fight all the time. I scooted closer to Rukia and patted an empty space beside me. "I'm pretty sure you can fit your fat self here." I smiled up at him like I had done no wrong.

Renji glared at me while he was making his way over to the spot next to me. "I am not fat!"

"Of course not," I shrugged my shoulders innocently. "You're just big-boned, right?" His glare grew worse and his mouth opened to fire something back at me.

"You two never stop fighting." Rukia smiled and looked between me and Renji. The way she spoke really hit both of us. We never did stop fighting and if we did we weren't near each other then. It wasn't till our last years in Rukongai that our fighting had started. It was when we both started developing our true personalities and we started to clash more. But through that we tried to make our friendship work, we had moments were our friendship seemed to never end and moments when I thought I would never speak to him again. Maybe that was the beauty of our relationship, we could still be friends after all the things we've said to each other. There were still moments when I wished we could have been more for each other. But after meeting Rukia his eyes never left her.

Renji sat down beside me and I could feel his leg touching mine. I was stuck in between two people and had no where to move without embarrassing myself. I was just about to let out a sigh when I noticed Izuru about to take a bite out of his onigiri.

"Wait a second!" I screamed out and pointed a finger at Izuru. Everyone jumped back, even Renji flinched when I screamed. "Don't you dare try to sneak a bite in. You have to stuff the WHOLE thing in your mouth!"

"What?!" Renji's voice exclaimed as his face turned to that of pure shock. He wasn't here for the reason of my screaming. So, now he was thinking something very perverted.

"You disgusting pervert!" I smacked Renji's shoulder and he glared at me again. "I dared Izuru to stuff his whole onigiri in his mouth." I said matter-of-factly. Renji simply nodded as he tried not to make himself look embarrassed. Izuru looked around as if he was trying to find a way out of this. "No, no Izuru-kun. You have to do this now, there is no turning back," I said evilly as I watched him gulp. He knew that there was no getting out of this, unless he wanted me to torture him for the rest of his life.

He slowly lifted the onigiri again to his mouth and spread apart his lips. A drop of sweat rolled down his face as the onigiri began to enter his mouth. Everyone else was sitting around and watching intently as Izuru continued to stuff it in. He began to make a choking noise to tell us that this whole dare probably wouldn't work out. Once it was in he tried to close his mouth and there was no way. His hands flew in front of his mouth as some of the onigiri began to crumble out.

We all had the same reaction at the same time, laughter. The look on Izuru's face was one of the greatest things of my life, especially since rice had gone all over his face. At that moment I don't think any of us could stop laughing. My head fell against Renji's shoulder as I couldn't stop the laughter from coming. I barely noticed where my head rested till I looked up to see Renji laughing too. My cheeks grew warm and my head shot up to look at Izuru again who had finally got some on the onigiri down. I turned my eyes to look at Renji again who looked down at me at the same time. We both sat there for a moment with our eyes locked and I remembered why I felt the way I did about him. He knew me better than anyone ever could, he had saved my life countless times in Rukongai, and he was like nobody else I had ever met. I smiled sweetly at him and he returned it with a half smile. Then both our eyes turned back to continue laughing at Izuru.

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**ONIGIRI**=Rice ball  
The reason I didn't call it a rice ball is because I like the word onigiri. ^-^


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